Afternoon Snooze Button

I would like to lay out some ground rules for taking your profile picture with a webcam. It’s totally possible to take a nice, normal picture. Exhibit A:

But, most of the time, when someone uses a webcam to take a photo, they look really dumb. Here’s 10 pointers to avoid looking like a complete idiot:

1. Back the hell up. We don’t want to see your pores

Imagine how weird it would be if you were this close in real life.

2. Don’t make weird hand gestures.

As my US history teacher said, “It means third grade, three times.”

3. Keep your damn clothes on.

Hundreds of people see your shit; there’s no way ALL of them want to see you in the buff. Dignity, people.

4. No weird expressions. You don’t look cool and spontaneous - in fact, we think you look disturbed.

Don’t judge me, I have facial deformities.

5. Absolutely no duckface.

You aren’t a lipstick model, it’s not attractive.

6. Don’t hold a wad of cash.

g3ttin monies

7. Don’t show us your tattoo. We think it’s stupid. 

“idk it’s Chinese for like tomato or something”

8. Don’t black and white/sepia yourself. We have moved into the 21st century, your camera should do the same.

I’m hoping the classiness of the sepia makes up for how unclassy I really am.

9. Don’t use that Mac “colored pencil” effect. We think you look like a vampire.

You guys can’t see my acne this way, right?

10. Don’t Picnik your picture or add song lyrics to it.

We don’t think you’re deep, and we judge your taste in music.

On behalf of your facebook friends, thanks for sparing us the agony of another duckfaced Picnik’d girl in her bra holding cash while doing the west side symbol in black and white.